Sunday, October 26, 2014

This is how you feel when you're raised a catholic.....


It's a five letter word
   that infiltrates my veins.
Sometimes hot, or cold
or sharp
or smooth
But relentlessly heavy.
Oh my god, like fucking deuterium!

I can't breathe.
I'm at the bottom of the ocean-
jerking off anemones
swallowing the pain
rich, indulgent dessert.
Impregnation, almost ready to explode
but hold on
and then some more
almost floating with enlightenment.

And then the slimy fingers of algae takes hold
then the sand
then the water,
tons and tons of salt water
ripping apart my insides.
Here comes the best part-
    you smile
    and I am risen. 

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

i have eight eyes but still can't see

I hate your fake smile,
your big house
and your perfect kids.
Your play dates,
and nut-free cupcakes.

Your expensive SUV
with the faded Romney sticker
and your incessant chatter
about how perfect your life is--
I want to vomit.

If only I could be a spider
living in some corner of your ceiling,
To wait and watch and spin my web.
I want to catch your secrets
I want to catch your mistakes
and wrap them up,
sucking out the negativity
leaving nothing but a shell of your humanity
--a small tiny speck forever trapped
in my sticky labyrinth.

You think you are so perfect
but look how big I am
filled with your lies.
I hate you.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

guilty revisions.....

I am now going to state the obvious, the act of revising absolutely sucks!  It's been four, six  okay fine like 8 months and I'm stuck in a place worse than eternal fire; revisions-dum, dum, dum.....(not dumb like stupid but you know a suspenseful-sound)  I can't seem to get past p. 85 of my book and it's driving me crazy.  Don't get me wrong I'm very pleased with the changes and everyday I'm amazed at what my characters have blossomed into but it seems like I've dug a deeper hole than I wanted to.

I began this book on a whim back in 2010 and worked on it sporadically until May of 2012-then everything changed.  There hasn't been a morning since that I haven't worked on it in some capacity until, well until recently.  I want that gut screwing feeling of excitement back that I had when I first began writing, not this constant state of guilt.  How does one get past it?    

I'm currently involved in other projects and reading books that aren't my typical genre.  It's helping a little but I have set a deadline for myself and if this book isn't completed by then I know it's time to move on unless someone out there has any words of wisdom....(I can't stop revising this blog post either!)  

“Books are never finished, they are merely abandoned.”  Oscar Wilde

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”  Ernest Hemingway

“I think the only person a writer has an obligation to is himself. If what I write doesn’t fulfill something in me, if I don’t honestly feel it’s the best I can do, then I’m miserable.”Truman Capote

“The self-criticism of a tired mind is suicide.” Charles Horton Cooley

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Got Pediculus humanus?

Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.
                    -Ralph Waldo Emerson 

    No it's not a spell from Harry Potter!
   Whether it's Gun's n Roses singing about it, a Mother praying for it, even a writer wanting to raise their fists in fury at it, patience can at times be appropriately deemed the most valuable unappreciated gift.  Unfortunately it's not on the top ten list of an individual's list of replies to the question if you could wish for anything what would you wish for?  After this week I wish I had a spare box of patience over a stack of cash but please don't misunderstand I didn't get the stack of cash either.
      We are talking a kid with lice filled week, a husband with a painful sinus infection, another kid with a skin infection that included an embarrassing trip to the pediatrician, a I'm not going to do my homework unless you dangle my electronic device over the trash can week, and of course the whip cream of it all the most stressful time of any adults life, the process of buying a house in a low supply market.  Oh, and the cherry is the never-ending rewrite that has me stuck in the first 100 pages of my book.  In the past (and this is not an attempt to brag here) I've been heralded for  the amount of patience I can stretch thin much like my Grandmother's pierogi dough under her ancient wooden rolling pin, but come on a human can only take so much before their whistle blows.
       Yes, that's pretty much what happened as I was combing my daughter's long hair with a four inch plastic fine tooth comb filled with nits (oh my God) discovering the deadline for a bid has passed without any word from our realtor while my husband declares he's done with the whole house thing passing the torch of unlikelihood over to me, a whistle blew in my head.  Not just any whistle but the kind that rivales any Looney tunes train whistle with enough steam issuing forth that indicates a possible combustion.  Well, afterwards something inside of me snapped like a glow stick and with the nit comb in mid air I was infused with the luminescence of patience.  Where did it come from?  When? Why?  How?  I can't answer that but I can speculate over years of imbibing in the most tedious of activities like waiting at a Dr.'s office and watching other people who arrived later than you called back first or asking your child to pick up their backpacks for the millionth time-then yes, I have been well trained in the art.
       Ah, if you believe I won't say it you have another thing coming because here it goes.  Yes, through the art of nit-picking I have been enlightened.  Not only to the reality that there isn't one precaution to lice nor one very effective treatment but more importantly there isn't always a way to prepare for how one will react to the misfortunes of life.  Just as those nasty insects have been around since pre-historic times so has the sometimes elusive concept of controlling our annoyances and it will continue to be a challenge.  Long live the Pediculus humanus!

Was there a time in your life you wished for more patience?

“Hard times build determination and inner strength. Through them we can also come to appreciate the uselessness of anger. Instead of getting angry nurture a deep caring and respect for troublemakers because by creating such trying circumstances they provide us with invaluable opportunities to practice tolerance and patience.” 
― Dalai Lama XIV

Saturday, February 2, 2013

A phrase debunked.


  1. A strong desire to know or learn something.
  2. A strange or unusual object or fact.

  Thank you for that clarification, Google.  Okay, so here it is-curiosity killed the cat. I get it, I have a cat and yes he is curious about all things including hiding in plastic bags, walking second story scary-narrow banisters and licking sharply edged metal cans, but none of these things have killed him.  If they did the entire population of felines would be wiped out!  So is it because cats have nine lives that they manage to arise above their inevitable demise of said curiosity? 

    Interesting that the phrase began as 'care' killed the cat and has since evolved to curiosity.  The word care at the time meant worry or sorrow rather than looking after someone.  Click here for the origin of the phrase.  Somewhere in the ages of whisper down the lane, the word care replaces curiosity and the phrase was filed in the arsenal of ignorance to answer those questions people preferred to avoid. Let's see, Mommy where do babies come from?  Oh sweetie, curiosity killed the cat.  Ten years later 'sweetie' remembers curiosity may kill a cat but doesn't realize her boyfriend is about to get her pregnant.  

      I know, a bit dramatic but you see where I'm going with this.  It's 2013 and we know curiosity is as important to the evolution of our race as organic, all natural foods.  So, all hail curiosity as the champion of ignorance! Let's stop the persecution of cats for their curiosity and kill the phrase instead!

Thursday, January 24, 2013


After doing research for my book, I thought to share some interesting facts about life in the 1800's:

Were you aware the first dime novel published in 1860, Malaeska; the Indian Wife of the White Hunter, by Mrs. Anna Sophia Stephens, sold 300,000 copies in just the first year?

With cockfighting, although it was illegal, law enforcers looked the other way to the point that the matches were publicized in newspapers.

The hot dog was introduced in the latter part of the century in St. Louis.

Lizzie Bordon was charged with murder.

Gold fever struck California.

Contraceptives were illegal.

Noah Webster publishes his Compendious Dictionary of the English Language in 1806.

Swear words were abundant.  The list of words provided in my resource seem to be pretty much the same as what we have today however in fear of offended those with delicate ears I will not provide them. However,
 if you would like a private email with a list please let me know.

Tomatoes were thought to be poisonous.  Consumption began in the late 1800's.

Trains traveled at the speed of 20-30 mph, the fastest at 40mph.

Here is an interesting site you might want to check out. It's Dr. Swift's cure for Hysteria,

Popular books?

Frankenstein, Mary Shelly 1818
The Spy, James Fenimore Cooper 1821
The Last of the Mohicans, James Fenimore Cooper 1826
Nature, Ralph Waldo Emerson 1836
Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte 1847
Moby Dick, Herman Melville 1851
Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens 1859
Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jules Verne 1865
Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain 1884
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle 1892
Dracula, Bram Stoker 1897
War of the Worlds, H.G. Wells 1898

(Bram  Stoker's handwritten original writings for Dracula thanks to wikipedia)

If you would like to add one of your favorites please feel free to do so in the comments section.

It's truly amazing to think how some of the most thought-provoking literature was birthed during this era-most of which is still popular in today's culture!

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Liebster Award (No, it has nothing to do with the children's handheld game!)


What happens when you ignore your blog for a couple of weeks because of, well, life?  Why you are nominated for the Liebster Award, of course.  Thanks so much barmybookwormsittingontheshelf  @  Your consideration is very generous.   It is my understanding that I need to come up with 11 facts about me then to answer your 11 questions and then generate 11 questions of my own to 11 new nominees of my choice.  Okay, I think I have it however what's up with the obsession over the number 11?

Questions from barmybookwormsittingontheshelf:
1. What do you get from your blogging?
Interaction with other avid readers/writers.2. What makes good reading for you?
Something thought provoking, humorous with a touch of eccentricity and it's a no brainer if I find myself withholding from bathroom breaks to continue reading.3. What makes you want to share good reading with others?
The need to discuss the book therefore keeping it alive.4. Which books do you think everyone should read, at least once in their lives?
With many apologies I will answer: Moby Dick, Jonathan Livingston Seagull, The Art and Zen of Motorcycle Maintenance, Jane Eyre, a Sue Grafton novel, Hamlet, and then Hamlet again, Anne Rice's vampire series, The Good Earth... 5. Which author would you like to/would you have liked to have met, and why?
Hemingway so we can discuss the process of revising.6. What's the most challenging book you've ever read, and why?
Far From Madding Crowd-the detailed descriptions!7. What's the funniest book you've ever read, and why?
Still Life with Woodpecker8. What's the best book-to-film adaptation you've ever seen?
Zeffirelli's Romeo & Juliet9. Has any book ever inspired you, and why?
All of them in some shape or form.
10. Do you stop reading books you don't like?  Or keep going regardless to the end?
I typically stop.11. Do you get rid of books you've read?  Pass them on to others?  Or fill up your home with them till there's no more room for you?
All of the above.

Random facts about me:

1) I have four children.
2) Vanilla ice-cream is the best.
3) I enjoy making wreaths
4) I hate my middle name.
5) My poems have been published.
6)  I work out.
7)  I hate working out.
8)  My favourite drink is grey goose & orange juice
9) I'm currently writing my first novel
10) I care for our 3 dogs, 1 cat, 2 ferrets, fish & a greek tortoise
11) I have a BA in writing from the University of Pittsburgh

Okay, questions for my 11 nominees:

1.)  What is your current profession and do you enjoy it?
2.)  What genre do you like to read?
3.)  If you could sit down and have tea with anyone (dead or alive) who would it be and why?
4.)  Why did you start blogging?
5.)  What book(s) would we find on your nightstand and how long have they been there?
6.)  If you could revise any book which would it be?
7.)  Share your favourite quote.
8.)  What inspires you to write your blog?
9.)  How did friends/family react when you told them about your blog?
10.)  If you could how much would you charge people to view your blog?
11.)  Who cultured your love of literature?

And my eleven nominees are (drumroll):

The rules of the Liebster Award are as follows:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog and link back to the blogger who presented this award to you.

2. Answer the 11 questions from the nominator, list 11 random facts about yourself and create 11 questions for your nominees.
3. Present the Liebster Blog Award to 11 blogs of 200 followers or less who feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen. (No tag backs)
4. Copy and Paste the blog award on your blog.