This is how you feel when you're raised a catholic.....

Her

It's a five letter word
   that infiltrates my veins.
Sometimes hot, or cold
or sharp
or smooth
But relentlessly heavy.
Oh my god, like fucking deuterium!

I can't breathe.
I'm at the bottom of the ocean-
jerking off anemones
swallowing the pain
rich, indulgent dessert.
Impregnation, almost ready to explode
but hold on
and then some more
wait
waiting
almost floating with enlightenment.

And then the slimy fingers of algae takes hold
then the sand
then the water,
tons and tons of salt water
ripping apart my insides.
Here comes the best part-
    you smile
    and I am risen. 

i have eight eyes but still can't see

I hate your fake smile,
your big house
and your perfect kids.
Your play dates,
and nut-free cupcakes.

Your expensive SUV
with the faded Romney sticker
and your incessant chatter
about how perfect your life is--
I want to vomit.

If only I could be a spider
living in some corner of your ceiling,
To wait and watch and spin my web.
I want to catch your secrets
I want to catch your mistakes
and wrap them up,
sucking out the negativity
leaving nothing but a shell of your humanity
--a small tiny speck forever trapped
in my sticky labyrinth.

You think you are so perfect
but look how big I am
filled with your lies.
I hate you.

1800's

After doing research for my book, I thought to share some interesting facts about life in the 1800's:

Were you aware the first dime novel published in 1860, Malaeska; the Indian Wife of the White Hunter, by Mrs. Anna Sophia Stephens, sold 300,000 copies in just the first year?

With cockfighting, although it was illegal, law enforcers looked the other way to the point that the matches were publicized in newspapers.

The hot dog was introduced in the latter part of the century in St. Louis.

Lizzie Bordon was charged with murder.

Gold fever struck California.

Contraceptives were illegal.

Noah Webster publishes his Compendious Dictionary of the English Language in 1806.

Swear words were abundant.  The list of words provided in my resource seem to be pretty much the same as what we have today however in fear of offended those with delicate ears I will not provide them. However,

 if you would like a private email with a list please let me know.

Tomatoes were thought to be poisonous.  Consumption began in the late 1800's.

Trains traveled at the speed of 20-30 mph, the fastest at 40mph.

Here is an interesting site you might want to check out. It's Dr. Swift's cure for Hysteria,  http://www.explorehistoricalif.com/hysteria.html

Popular books?

Frankenstein, Mary Shelly 1818

The Spy, James Fenimore Cooper 1821

The Last of the Mohicans, James Fenimore Cooper 1826

Nature, Ralph Waldo Emerson 1836

Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte 1847

Moby Dick, Herman Melville 1851

Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens 1859

Journey to the Center of the Earth, Jules Verne 1865

Little Women, Louisa May Alcott

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain 1884

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle 1892

Dracula, Bram Stoker 1897

War of the Worlds, H.G. Wells 1898

(Bram  Stoker's handwritten original writings for Dracula thanks to wikipedia)

If you would like to add one of your favorites please feel free to do so in the comments section.

It's truly amazing to think how some of the most thought-provoking literature was birthed during this era-most of which is still popular in today's culture!

Aurora, CO

Why?

Friday July 20, 2012 7:32am

After my daughter wakes up from her bed, she passes me on the couch as I watch the news.  She notices my tears but doesn't comment.  I murmur a 'Good morning' and my voice cracks.  I sob.  More tears. I need to be strong. She looks at me again, I feel her hesitation before she asks, "What's the matter, Mom?"

Can't she see the images on the tv? The police cars flashing, the dropped popcorn on the side of the road, the blood trail along the sidewalk?  She's ten I remind myself.  I shut the tv off and try to speak, my throat filled with disbelief.  Finally I say, "A man hurt a lot of people last night during the premier of Batman."

"Oh."  She says looking at the ground. "So why are you crying?"

Another sob. Because we planned to see the movie on Saturday in a different theatre in Aurora.  Because I thought about taking you to the midnight showing.  Because so many people will never be the same.  Because of the mom of that six-year old girl.  Because of the man holding up the picture of his son, desperate for any information. Because our worst fears came true this morning.

Instead, I say, "I'm afraid."  It's like 9/11 when I was pregnant with her.  "I'm afraid because there are people out there that want to hurt other people and I can't stop it."

She replies, "I get it."

I shut off the tv and wish I could shut off the images in my head just as easily.  "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Waffles."  She answers with a smile.  "With chocolate chips."

"Okay."  I go into the kitchen to prepare her waffles and hide my tears.

Ode to my soul sister....

My washing machine and I are soul sisters. We both cycle, her more than I-thank goodness but we both take the soiled and spit out the orderly, again, she tips the scale with that one and well eventually, we will both burn out.  Never have I given her the respect she deserves.  Oh, great white metal box who I have taken for granted my whole life, would you partake in a martini while we spin our thoughts together?  You know what I cherish the most about you? You are always there, no matter what and I love how you don't care if I show up in pajamas at noon with you still holding wet, clean clothes that are beginning to smell musty.  You really know how to keep a secret, sister.

Whether her name is Maytag, Kenmore, Samsung, Whirlpool, I know them all.  I can safely say I have measured my life out with loads of dirty laundry.  Either whites with bleach or at other times, darks in cold water with straight detergent-your nectar of the gods you bring me back to reality.  No matter what I do with my life you will always be there to remind me I am a woman.  Thank you my dearest sister!

drink this...

Now what?

This thing I once craved

I begged

I hoped

I wished and dreamed

The sunrise, every morning at 6:30am

Like a cup of adrenaline

Pure and concentrated

Do I ball it up, placing it in my pocket?

Shall I turn away?

Or is it possible, could it just be…

This thing I once craved

I begged

I hoped

I wished and dreamed

A rounded expression upon my face

It is unrecognizable

Unintentional and disturbing

I am naked in the deep woods-

Searching for a rock to sit upon

And ponder how the fuck I got here.

Why don’t the blue birds sing to me-

And where are the butterflies?

The dark, anomalous shadows

And the sound of footsteps surround me

My compass lost in between milk and vodka-

It’s time to close my eyes

And feel the cold water fill my lungs

This thing,

You know, this thing I once craved

I begged

I hoped

I wished and dreamed…

10 things NOT to do when writing.

Top ten list of no-no's for a writer...

We learn from our mistakes, otherwise we have suffered unnecessarily.   I tell my children every day it's okay to make mistakes-no one is perfect because to err is human and what we do next separates us as individuals.

The writing journey I've followed these past three years taught and reminded me of some no-no's as a writer and I would like to share them with you.

1.)   Don't ever write when cooking, talking on the phone, wiping your kid's butt, or eating crackers (it's impossible to get those crumbs out of the keyboard and every time you hit the spacebar hearing that crunch! you'll be reminded of your stupidity).  Focus!

2.)  You are the most important tool in your writing so just as you recharge your laptop  you must fuel your body. So when hunger causes you to stop, practice proper nutrition.  I'm not your Mom nor am I a nutritionist-you know what's best and it doesn't include potato chips and coke.  I think it's safe to include exercise here as well.  Strap on your iPod and go for a walk to enjoy nature-it will also help to clear your head and possibly generate new ideas.   Please be careful and don't reach for the 100lb dusty weights sitting in your basement.  Work up to it.

3.)   Sleep, rest, or nap whatever you can manage when you're not thinking of what your main character will say next.  You need to get those creative juices flowing and there's nothing like giving your brain some recess time.

4.)  Alcohol.  Oh boy.  Look, I'm all for a drink or two for relaxation but don't fool yourself, writing is like driving and you can't drink and drive!  So don't do it or you'll find pure dead-end crap on your screen the next day.

5.)  Drugs.  Come on, really?

6.)  Sex.  Do you recall the Seinfeld episode when the group abstains from sex?  George becomes a scholar and Elaine turns into an airhead.  There's nothing like a good mind-blowing 'O', but be careful, too much will begin to creep into your novel....look at E.L. James-she claims to have gone through a mid-life crisis while writing the fifty shades series!

7.) Music.  Knock yourself out-whatever it takes.  A Baptist choir to death metal-again, whatever it takes.  Just to warn you though, YOUR MUSIC WILL INFLUENCE WHAT YOU WRITE, so be cautious.  Especially when writing children's literature you might not want to listen to Megadeath.

8.)  If you have children, please don't forget them.  They need you more than you need to steal a few moments on your laptop.  Set aside time first thing in the morning or at night to write.

9.)  Caffeine.  Yes!  It's like a defibrillator to the right side of your brain.  Try to limit the quantity, of course, or it will have adverse effects or even stop your heart.  Oh! And try not to add too much sugar or you'll end up a diabetic.

10.)  Your significant other.  Well, they are adults and can take care of themselves but try your best to spend some time with them instead of wondering how you're revising those first three chapters of crap your built your book upon.

Have I forgotten anything?  Please add in the comment section.

Revisions and decisions...

        Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement....
              -Ronald Reagan

It's final-I absolutely detest revising.  I find myself cleaning the toilets or organizing dresser drawers instead.  Why?  Grandiose notions of birthing a flawless novel?  Hardly!  It's like driving down an unfamiliar road with thousands of exits that might take you somewhere interesting or a dead end.   Then of course there are all those places to pullover to admire or hate the view, or even to relieve one's bladder. It's so damn easy to become distracted, especially on those particularly sunny, breezy days.

            I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but almost always end up where I need to be.
                    -Douglas Adams

Then you have that little person (Sd-I call him he doesn't deserve a vowel) living in the back of your head telling you Why bother, it's not like you'll ever be published! Writing is so much fun, right?

Tell me, how do you remain focused while revising?

Hunter S. Thompson revisited.....

Just wanted to share an eclectic icon who wasn't recognized enough-although I suspect he preferred it that way.  If you've never heard of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas or Rum Diaries you know a little about the man.  But have you heard the term, Gonzo Journalism?  His name is synonymous with the term because he told the truth when he wrote through humor and sarcasm.

I've included a link to a video of Thompson's ashes shooting out of a canon which is the way he wanted to go.  So much for 'not with a bang but a whimper', huh?

I encourage you to look up some google images of him as well.  Meanwhile, here are some quotes:

“Music has always been a matter of Energy to me, a question of Fuel. Sentimental people call it Inspiration, but what they really mean is Fuel. I have always needed Fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio.”

― Hunter S. Thompson

 "If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up.”

― Hunter S. Thompson

“Yesterday's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, The Curse of Lono

“As things stand now, I am going to be a writer. I'm not sure that I'm going to be a good one or even a self-supporting one, but until the dark thumb of fate presses me to the dust and says 'you are nothing', I will be a writer.”

― Hunter S. Thompson, Gonzo

“Buy the ticket, take the ride.”

― Hunter S. Thompson

Hunter Stockton Thompson (July 18, 1937-February 20, 2005)

Hunter Thompson's Bio. click here